A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the elderly host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That’s really nice, that after forty years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and whispered, “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name years ago!”
Doctor: “I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s okay. I’ll come back when you are sober.”
Cow goes who?
No, cow goes “Moo!”