A gorilla walks into a bar and says,

“A scotch on the rocks, please.”

The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. The bartender thinks to himself,

“This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change.

The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”

The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”

******

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,

“Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

******

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine” said the boss,

“But where were you yesterday?”