We apologize for the laughter in advance

Two dragons walk into a bar.

The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”

His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

A screwdriver rolls into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip??”

A panda walks into a bar.

He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.

“Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”

Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

A man runs into a bar.

Panting, he tells the barkeep, “Give me ten shots of your best whiskey—quick!” So the barkeep sets them up and the man knocks them all back in seconds.

“Why you drinking so fast?” asks the barkeep.

“You’d drink fast too if you had what I have,” says the man.

“Why, what do you have?” asks the barkeep.

“Only $5 in my pocket!”