mrbarmaster

A roman guy walks into a bar, raises 2 fingers and says, ” Can I have 5 beers please ?

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Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire, on average.

And now for our feature joke!

A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a tall building and has a seat on an empty stool next to a guy with glasses. Our guy orders a beer, looks to his barstool neighbor and makes eye contact, lifts his pint in a silent toast, and enjoys a healthy swig.

“You know,” interrupts the guy with glasses, “today is a rare and extraordinary day in terms of astronomy, geology, and physics.”

“Huh?” says our guy, baffled.

The other guy continues, “No — seriously. Hear me out. All of the planets in the solar system are in PERFECT alignment today. Absolutely perfect — and THAT, my friend, means that for today and today only…gravity has reduced strength.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” returns our guy as he takes another large gulp of his beer.

“I’ll prove it,” says the stranger. The stranger signals our guy to follow him over to the window. The stranger than unlatches the window and both men look out and down at the tremendous height. The stranger then jumps out the window. Much to our guy’s shock, the stranger — as if he were a feather — gently floats down toward the ground.

Once he gingerly makes contact with the pavement, the stranger waves back up towards our disbelieving guy, reenters the building and rides the elevator back to the top floor. Upon seeing the stranger reenter the bar, our guy resolves to try this amazing feat for himself.

He jumps out the window and quickly falls to his immediate death.

The man with glasses returns to his barstool and orders a whiskey. The bartender shakes his head and mutters, “you can be a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

mrbarmaster

A mixologist is a cross between parent, psychologist, and priest. I am simply the guy behind the bar willing to listen and advise if asked to.

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A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8.

“But I already paid you. Don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“OK,” says the bartender, “if you say you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs.

The bartender leans over and says, “You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the — ”

The man interrupts, “Don’t bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

****

mrbarmaster

A mixologist is a cross between parent, psychologist, and priest. I am simply the guy behind the bar willing to listen and advise if asked to.

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A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, Im Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, Jesus Christ, youre here again?

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A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club.”Youll be driving later,” replies the bartender.

*******

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thats why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

mrbarmaster

A mixologist is a cross between parent, psychologist, and priest. I am simply the guy behind the bar willing to listen and advise if asked to.

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A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man’s milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”
The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles.”

******

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that Russia had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug down 300 metres, and headlines in the US newspapers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that early Americans had advanced high-tech digital telephones 000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the Greek press reported the following: “After digging as deep as 500 metres, a Greek scientists has found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago the Greeks were already using mobile phones.

mrbarmaster

A mixologist is a cross between parent, psychologist, and priest. I am simply the guy behind the bar willing to listen and advise if asked to.

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